I'll be in the oven if you need me...

Listening to:

Echo And The Bunnymen "Crocodiles" (Live Rotterdam 1985)

Alice In Chains "Down In A Hole" 

Rise Against "Blasting Room" (Webisode 5)

Blind Melon "Galaxie" 

Anberlin - "Ready Fuels"

Red Fang - "Prehistoric Dog"

Down - "Stone The Crow" (Live at Download 2009)

Rock Kills Kid "Paralyzed"

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Ok so its been awhile since I was on this but so much has happened.  You know that dumbass phrase “things happen in 3’s” well whoever said that needs to be kicked in the head as I am on about 17 in a row.

Ever since we got back from Park City which was fuckin phenomenal, I have had both kids sick and resick, bathroom(s) fucked up, my truck, my wife, son shoulder, daughter chin….and so on….

Ok so Kate gets pneumonia literally the day after we get back in town so she is running a 101 fever and ever since her UTI we don’t fuck with fevers and her.

The day after that my son gets the same type sickness but he is 9 so we just blow it off as him being overdramatic.  “oh its just a cold Jacques get a fuckin helmet”

So then my wife is told that her muscle tear in her calf is worse than originally expected so she has to wear the “boot” for 4 more weeks.

Its just about then when I go to put my son to bed and his room smells like a fucking bathroom at the Superdome after a Saints game. So we check it out and turns out there is a GIANT puddle of piss in the corner of his room.  So it’s the toilet leaking right from other side.  NO FUCK NO its night terrors so we have to monitor til he grows out of it.  GEE thanks doc.

So it’s the FUCKING same day where we notice we have a puddle of water in the Master Bedroom.  So after a couple of days it doesn’t go away to which we then discover the accompanying smell of mildew.  Let me say this being from New Orleans as I feel even worse for the people of my city after Katrina.  I cannot imagine what it would be like to have your ENTIRE house with that smell and inevitable cleanup.  My bathroom is big but not the size of a house so New Orleans I am with you.  We discover a miniscule hole in the caulk of the shower seat that has caused everything in the walls behind it to be soaked, hence the flood in the room(s).  yes the other side is the closet which has water too.   FML at this point.

WHERE DOES IT FUCKIN END?

So I am on my way to work when that squeak from the brakes on my truck are no longer squeaking as now it sounds like something is dragging from the bottom of the truck.  I did get them checked out and they were within about two miles from being SHOT as in DONE.    NICE!!

That night my son tries to go to bed but is complaining of a shoulder issue so we look at it and at same time check his tempature and YEE HA its almost 102.  We take him in and he has bronchitis.   Did I say FML?

So my wife calls me nonchalantly yesterday morning to tell me she is on the way to the emergency room AGAIN….this is TWICE in less than month as my daughter Kate has busted her chin after falling off a stool. 

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK!!!!

I don't even have time to address the Obama 2012 campaign or anything else as you can see I am busy.

Ok here is Obama's FIRST 2012 Campaign Video - "It Begins With Us
"http://t.co/4OCo2yy  I think ALICE represents the Obama voters PERFECT...Just sayin

I’ll be in the oven if you need me.

Funniest description of someone on Twitter: 

"I'm the Founding Father of the Reverse Dutch Oven, and a World Renowned Beanbag DryHumping Legend."

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?

Listening to:


The Cars - Just What I Needed (Live Aid 1985) 




Fastway - Say What You Will (FUCKIN ABSOLUTE JAM)

Sweet - Love Is Like Oxygen (12" Version) (UNDERRATED AT ITS FINEST)



Foo Fighters - The Pretender 



Hoodoo Gurus - Out That Door  



Dokken - Breaking The Chains (FOR CHEESE FACTOR ALONE)



Philip Bailey (feat.Phil Collins) - Easy Lover (JUST GREAT SONG)



Genesis - No Reply At All



I post video links cause these are the songs that make me move and remind me of good and bad times.  Also, you will rarely see anything from today as music has NO FEELING or DEPTH anymore.


I'm not asking you to AGREE with my music tastes, but what I want you to do is examine for yourself what is out there today and come back to me with your opinion.  


You say tomato, I say fuck you.

MUSIC:

Dear rap/hip hop music, the tribe has spoken, its time for you to go....unless U get ORIGINAL WHICH YOU ARE NOT & stop the one tempo drum machine bumpin crap.  Thanks Master P and Lil Wayne for not actually being musicians.  Same goes for you 50 Cent and no you aint getting a hug.

Hollywood Undead:  you are Slipknot Hip Hop so can I call you HipHopKnot....anyway you are horrible and you signal the official END of music as we know it.  I liked the Rock/Rap thing in 94 with Phunk Junkeez, 311 and so on....

BUT YOU BE THE JUDGE:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-yOnnQOl2k&feature=fvst

As long as dumbasses keep supporting this one tempo drum beat unoriginal SHIT...the record companies will keep slinging them out.....does anyone NOT remember what happened after HOME SWEET HOME by Motley Crue?

Right after it succeeded EVERY fuckin hair band did a ballad...some it was their only hit....MR. Big, Kix and so on....it basically ENDED the era of hair bands and Nirvana/Pearl Jam was up next.  Speaking of NEW ROCK which isnt NEW anymore.  Do I still have to hear "Smells Like Teen Spirit" or "Vasoline" anymore?  not good anymore and not considered ROCK CLASSICS....so burned out in their day the sheer thought of it coming on the radio scares me. To which I see that a few ALT Rock / New Rock stations are calling it quits after 15 to 16 years.....GO FIGURE (see above two sentences)  As soon as Nickelback and Hinder were played on your station, you were DONE.   Hinder's "Lips of an Angel" is basically a New Rock ballad which is a misnomer being all of these ALT guys are supposed to be pissed off at the world but this Hinder douche says "makes me weep"  PUSSY.

Anyway I am tired of beating the "how horrible music is these days"  All you have to do is listen to see how bad it is or look at who is touring to see that there is NO ONE left.  Music is CLINGING to the past classic artists such as Deep Purple, Iron Maiden and Def Leppard.

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SPORTS:


Between the state of the NFL, NCAA Football and the lowlife thug NBA I am happy as HELL the NHL is smoking HOT!!!!! and then this.....




Story from Yahoo Sports yesterday:


http://sports.yahoo.com/nhl/blog/puck_daddy/post/Video-Jonathan-Quick-may-in-fact-control-puck?urn=nhl-wp888

http://rivals.yahoo.com/ncaa/basketball/blog/the_dagger/post/The-Dagger-reseeds-the-Sweet-16-Ohio-State-stil?urn=ncaab-wp934

Pistol Fuckin Pete

I swear I need a job at Yahoo because I have NEVER seen in my life such pathetically bad and reaching stories.   I am surprised you guys don't sit around and examine video from NASCAR races to determine if someone ran over oil which would explain the 12 car pileups at Talladega. Or maybe someone purposely wet that particular area of a football field in the event a player trying to make a key grab from the visitors team would slip at the exact time in that exact spot.   


Between reordering the NCAA brackets and this I cannot determine which is worst.  They are obviously Obama fans cause I guarantee he is asking for do-over on his NCAA brackets right about now.


Speaking of Obama WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS MORON DOING?  He is allowing Brazil to drill off our shores so they can import oil to US but he won't let companies in the US drill offshore......PLEASE PLEASE SOMEONE ANYONE START THE VOTE TO GET HIM OUT OF OFFICE in 2012 or I am moving to anywhere but here.


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KIDS:


my son said the other night " I am getting a coke" after i said 10X to him "NO".....to which I finally replied "good well i M going 2 shove that can up ur ass (meant 2 say nose)
WOOPS!


I love how my 9 year old will make me recreate the situation like I am in front of a judge & jury to prove that i saw him do it

TWO WEEKS IN THE LIFE OF A DUMBASS

MUSIC TO READ TO:

Ozzy - "Bark at the Moon" 




Chevelle - " I Get It"



The Greg Kihn Band - "Breakup Song"



The Smithereens - "The House We Used to Live In"




WHAT A COUPLE OF WEEKs I had.....WOW FUCKING WOW.....I mean first of all it started way back on the 7th and went from there ....



Son's FIRST baseball practice on Monday the 7th and daddy (ME) takes a line drive right to the nose causing me to bleed like a gutted pig in front of all of the 8/9 year olds....

Then, on top of that, on Wednesday it bruises on both eyes to where i looked like an MMA fighter, only without the MMA.

Then three days before our trip to Park City, Utah, my wife tears a calf muscle, basically keeping her from skiing the entire trip.

OK on to the trip, Park City far and away the BEST place to Ski EVER.  Or should I say SNOWBOARD which I decided to do.  Had nothing to do with the HOT Australian girl (artist recreation on LEFT) at Ski Rental who talked me into it.  Not really, but who is going to argue with the voice and the look.

I have never in my life been so disgusted about something than trying to snowboard.  Then to top it off, I go to reclip my board after readjusting and the board takes off....DOWN THE SLOPE...towards a turn which ends at another lift so I think, "COOL it will be right there"....FUCK NO!!!....stoner lift guy tells me...."yeah dude it went past me into that valley...look"   and yes there it was about a 100 feet down up against a tree.   So I have to get it right?   Getting there was easy even though it was mostly POWDER.  Getting back up was WAIST DEEP trying to walk UP the mountain 100 feet with nothing but brittle branches to grab onto.  Oh and the altitude is 8100 feet so I am out of breath.   AND I wore too much clothes thinking it was COLD while skiing (GO FIGURE), so I am SWEATING like a construction worker.


WORKOUT TO SAY THE LEAST!!

Its like 10am at this point and I am DONE!....FUCK THIS NOISE I AM GOING TO GET SKIS.   We finally get to eat lunch and I am OFFICIALLY DONE.....one small problem.....I still have to get down mountain to change to skis.....Of course at this point I fall really hard 3 times, punch snow and finally GET IT to a degree.  With confidence up from ZERO to 48%, I decide the next day I will forego being a pussy and will stick with snowboarding BUT I will take lessons.



I take lessons the next day and all is good?  Even though I got lessons from a Florida Gator, I didnt care if she was a Notre Dame grad dressed in green, I NEEDED LESSONS.
So lessons helped? RIGHT?.....once again......
FUCK NO!!! as Thursday I am cruising along with the wife who is skiing like her leg was reconstructed BIONICALLY,  but I am not feeling it as HOT but DUMB Australian Ski girl gave me too small of boots and my feet felt like a constant HOT FOOT.  Well I lost it at one point, trying to avoid some dummy standing in middle of run probably talking on phone, fell backwards slamming my head into the ground...THANKS to my helmet I just bit my tongue, hurt my jaw and a mild concussion.





So FRIDAY I head back to Houston with 7 other guys and we proceed to play cards the night before the race and get wasted.  NOT A GOOD IDEA....thanks to aspirin I lived to do the Saturday WARRIOR DASH, which I must say is very cool and everyone should do it BUT if you do run the race YOU NEED TO TRAIN as the running (NOT THE OBSTACLES) is what will kill you.  And what is better than a GIANT BEER awaiting you at the end.  Cover band played some Rush so all was good.  A little BW3s and some more cards and the weekend was over .....JUST LIKE THAT....

ONLY to get home and see Stringer Bell get killed on the Wire (and YES I know I am 6 years behind, but I am catching up on the BEST SHOW ON TV after Dexter and Justified)





That is ALL I have now but glad to be home and back with my killer family...back to the grind again.....

GOOD TIMEs.....CHEERS!!! (ME on left)

gratuitous cheesy pic of women taken by stalker at LSU game....*NOT ME.....the LSU Golden Girls

Excellent column @SPORTSbyBROOKS
 Jason Whitlock hits it out of the park

http://on-msn.com/huEE88

"ALL BARK, NO BITE, ALL THE TIME!" Rodeo Houston and other.....

"ALL BARK, NO BITE, ALL THE TIME!"

Sounds like the theme to our current lame ass commander in chief, but NO I don’t waste my time with that duck.

Songs while U read this:

Epmd - I’m housin 

Rage Against the Machine - Take The Power Back

Tool - Pushit (live) from Salival album 
(TRUST ME JUST LISTEN to WHOLE THING)

Deep Purple - Highway Star

Public Enemy - Nightrain (Remix)

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Went to rodeo last night and WOW they got some hicks in Houston. Go figure. And man women’s asses have gotten bigger, but thats a good thing.

(two pictured on the ABOVE RIGHT actually are an anomaly as they have NO ass)

U say tomato, I say fuck u or in the case of PC iPhone spell check DUCK U. And I have ducked, shorted and botched a bunch on this MF.

So at the rodeo which is Fuckin so fuckin American !!!, I couldnt help but wonder why the PETA fools haven’t panned the way the animals are treated. I mean they do rope them and then let em go.

GO SMOKE SOME TREE YOU DUMB DICKS!!!!

NEVER MIND found this just now
http://www.houstonanimalrights.com/ 

Fuckin so fuckin American !!! 

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Martina McBride comes on and I hate country music so I am working my way out the door. She starts singing about drinking (go figure) and the crowd goes nuts. Really hicks liking drinking.

Oh well KISS plays next week and that lark wore off in 80 and they are still taking peoples money. Gene Simmons is so into marketing KISS that I am surprised he doesn’t keep different people in makeup long after the original band members are dead. KISS tours forever that way.

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I quote the Big Aristotle (Shaq LSU man) when I say “I drank what?” or was that Socrates or was that Val Kilmer in the movie Real Genius.

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Back to the lecture at hand….

Why is that every time I am run down on the highway (in right lane going speed limit) I get run down by a black woman leadfoot on the phone and using her shoulder to hold it. And this is NOT RACIST when it’s fact. People are just too scared now to say anything about any black person. Back to this bitch in the car, who proceeds to “weave” in and out to find her lane. Memo to this dummy: if the cars in front of me or whoever else u are following are going the same speed you are not going to magically make them go faster. (phone kept spellchecking and making it “ho” not “go”, I almost left it)

So we stop at light and she is cursing me left and right and she is HUGE like Orca fucking huge, like tits were steering or was that stomach or her pussy. I roll down the window to address her and she is MF this and Cracker that. My first response when called cracker is always “stop calling me cracker nigga”. Sorry but the N-word IRONY is so thick with the so-called African Americans. N-word sounds worse than the actual one and there is a difference between black and N-words and this was clear case of pot calling the kettle Sharpton/Jessie. So my response to the talking whale was “if you spent as much time on the treadmill as u did on the phone while speeding, you would be 50 lbs” and immediately started to roll window up while staring at her screaming now many more MFs.  It was highly amusing as I listened to hear voice get muffled as my window shut completely.  And when I drove off still chuckling she was still yelling at her car window.

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OUT FOR NOW....but remember I will always have a bigger PP than u

Words to live by and I realize there might be typos in this.....SEE ABOVE TOMATO COMMENT

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I LOVE THIS PIC BY THE WAY!!!!!!....yes its linked to the song.....so you can rock